Creative Discipline - A Lesson In Humility

A few weeks ago Zora entered a new "phase" - an argumentative one. It doesn't matter what I say, she has to argue with it. It can be about what outfit to wear, what we're going to eat, which subject in school to work on next, and the list goes on. To be honest I'm getting really weary of her behavior and this morning I had HAD IT.

When my kids were little a swat on their rear end usually solved the problem. However, as they've gotten older I've realized that it doesn't really phase them any more. So then we moved on to "grounding". That still works for Lily - just take away something special to her for a few days and she's "back in shape". It used to work for Zora, but lately even that hasn't been working, so I've been trying to be creative in my discipline so that she really learns a lesson from her discipline.

This morning I had an idea...

she learned her lesson...

but so did I.

When I woke her up this morning I didn't want to have a battle over clothes, so I told her she could pick out her own clothes. She stood there for a long time and couldn't decide what she wanted to wear, so she asked me for some help. I suggested two different outfits and she started her arguing...

She didn't like those choices.

She was thinking of something else.

That's not what she would have chosen.

So, here's where my creative discipline came in. I needed to figure out a way to make her understand how disrespectful she has been to me and I need it to teach her to change her behavior. So, I told her that since she no longer valued my opinion, and since she was now better at making decisions than me, then I would totally leave her alone today and she could do everything herself. I'm sure that at first this sounded great to her, but she quickly realized that it wasn't going to be so great. She picked out her own clothes then asked me what she could have for breakfast. I told her whatever she could fix on her own. She said, "But I don't know how to fix what I want." So I told her she'd have to figure something else out. I also told her that when she finished her breakfast, then she would be responsible for wiping down the table and sweeping up the crumbs around the table all by herself. She was now responsible for all her own actions. Mommy is out of the picture today.

She very solemnly ate her breakfast and cleaned up after herself. Then I told her it was time for her school work. She did as much of her work as she could do by herself. When she got to the subjects that she needed help on she tried to do them by herself in vain. When she asked me to help her I reminded her that she was on her own for the day. She said, "But then I'll be behind in my work." I told her we'll just have to catch up later. Again, not a happy face from her.

It's now time for lunch so I fixed something for Lily and myself. She said that she would like some potato soup like us. I told her to fix it herself. She said, "But I can't. I can't reach the bowls or the microwave, or anything!" So I gave her two choices.

1. You can figure out a way to resolve the situation and I will help you.
OR
2. You can figure out a way to fix something for yourself on your own.

She chose to try to fix it herself - STUBBORN!!! She climbed onto the counter top and got herself a bowl. She got a spoon and dipped the soup into the bowl and got it into the microwave. Then she asked me how long she should heat the food. I told her she'd just have to figure it out on her own. "But I don't know how, Mommy!" I reminded her that she had another choice - she could resolve the situation and I would help her.

She FINALLY apologized! "I'm sorry, Mommy. I know I can't do everything by myself. Will you please help me?"

So, I heated the soup for her in the microwave. Right before the soup was finished heating she got sassy and disrespectful AGAIN. So, I told her she obviously didn't learn her lesson and she could go right on helping herself. I told her to make sure she didn't burn herself, so she got some potholders to get her soup out. As she was pulling the bowl out of the microwave she dropped the bowl. It was an unbreakable bowl, but the soup went everywhere! There was soup all over my stove top and it was also all over the floor. She said, "Now what am I going to do?" I told her she'd have to clean the mess up herself. So for the next 40 minutes she tried to clean the mess up herself. The more she tried to clean the bigger of a mess she created. Periodically I reminded her of her second choice, but she stubbornly kept trying to do it herself.

Eventually, she broke down and started bawling as she sat in the middle of her mess. She finally humbled herself - after 3 hours from the initial conflict - to break down and say, "Mommy, I'm sorry, please forgive me. I'm sorry for being rude and disrespectful. I know that I can't do everything myself. Will you please help me?"

These were the words I was waiting to hear. She crawled up in my lap and both of us had tears streaming down our faces.

She had learned her lesson...

but so had I.

What lesson did I learn? As I held her and we both cried I thought of our Heavenly Father who must feel the same way often times. As human beings we are SO STUBBORN and try to do everything ourselves. We think we don't need Him to help us and when we start struggling we continue to wallow in our own pride instead of trying to resolve the situation with Him. Then, we create a HUGE mess in our lives until we're sitting in the middle of the mess crying. Then we finally break down, humble ourselves, swallow our rotten pride, and run to Him, crying and begging for mercy, forgiveness, and a helping hand. And, because He loves us, He lets us crawl into His lap and He does what He wanted to do all along - just help us. All He wants is for us to ask Him for His help and acknowledge that we need Him in every detail of our lives.

"...All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."
1 Peter 5:5-7

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Philippians 2:3

"...if my people who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin..." 2 Chronicles 7:14